wlmager:

thedailywhat:

This Looks Legit of the Day: An Original carte de visite, c. 1870, “showing a man who looks exactly like Nick Cage [sic].”

eBay seller jack_mord says: “Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so.”

I was under the impression that this was already a well-known fact.

[biotv.]

Nicolas Cage is IMMORTAL.

Cage’s probably a 300year old vampire and yet he still CANNOT act.

AS you know it, Robert Rodriguez was and is a Hollywood phenomenal since he broke through with his first feature film, El Mariachi. Rodriguez is renowned for his shoddily plots of Mexican origins, cool cars, beautiful Latinos, the use of gore that would give an erection to Chan-wook Park (see previous post for an awesome quote from Park), but most of all he is most famous for his “one-man film crew”. In this article, please omit Spy Kids; they are not part of Rodriguez’s Mexican universe, which I am writing about. Rodriguez’s latest motion picture was titled, ‘Machete’ which stars Danny ‘the dude with a face like a crumbled bangers and mash’ Trejo.

Photo: Rodriguez’s Machete. Or is it?

Finally, a crown for a Mexican is born, the Mexico’s answer to William Wallace. Aye, you heard me correctly. America had Stallone; England had Vinnie Jones, Austria had Schwarzenegger, Scotland had Gibson and now Mexico has Trejo. Aye, Trejo, at 66 years old, is a new blockbuster action man, with imbecile one liners such as ‘Machete don’t text’, is even uglier than his own puke, somehow hot women find him irresistible while he doesn’t even realizes it himself, and as the “superman” police who never waits for backup (Question from writer: Have any movie office in history ever waited for a backup?). To look the part, you’ve gotta be the part, that’s the game, it’s all in the game, right though? In fact, I will elaborate further; the film itself had Machete rappelling from a dangling intestines. I think I got you hooked, aye? DVD can be bought here at Amazon.

Rodriguez, dubbed ‘The Mexican’ by myself as he has a passion for Mexico in his films, and yet ignites a one-man war against the United States in Machete. Elements of Che Guevara are seen at recurring points in the character of Michelle Rodriguez (note the surname) in the film, as the film declares war against the United States. Rodriguez has vast power, comparing him to Quintus Batiatus of Spartacus: Gods of Arena that Rodriguez can do anything he wants, he has his own studio, where Batiatus has his ludus and squashes Vettius, Tullius and good Solonius. Rodriguez does this but it is directed at Americans at the end of his films, for example, the American military in Planet Terror. Before the credit rolls for Machete, it is yet revealed that there will be two more films, throwing barrels of oil at a furnace in the war against the United States. If Rodriguez does call this a war, he’d better get prepared, cause he cannot lose if he doesn’t play and wars end.

Rodriguez even goes further to abuse his own power, and this is evident in the character of Robert De Niro and Lindsay Lohan, Rodriguez mocks them openly in Machete. Rodriguez, as the writer of the film, wrote lines for both De Niro and Lohan that reflect with their real selves with Lohan the most obvious. The character Lohan takes on, April, Lohan does a damn great job of perceiving April with drugs, nakedness, sex, attention and desire for fame. After all, Lohan was portraying Lohan. At the end of the film when April shoots McLaughlin, April says, ‘I forgot the rest’, which is an inclination that Lohan is a terrible actress, she even got a dual Razzie nomination for Worst Actress in I Know Who Killed Me, where she came 1^st and 2^ndrespectively, tying with herself. Rodriguez exposed the real Lohan in Machete to the world and had her say derogatory lines, just to show who is sitting in the Iron Thorne from Game of Thrones. Watch out Daenerys Targaryen!

De Niro, known for his commitment to acting, he lived as a taxi driver prior to Taxi Driver, learnt how to box for Raging Bull and put on weight for The Untouchables. Aye, De Niro is considered a legend, but he is also known as a notoriously actor to work with but not Brando-esque. One Hollywood actor got asked this question that another Hollywood actor has mentioned that the said person is difficult to work with, having worked with De Niro on several projects, the said person replied, “Is Robert De Niro easy to work with? Why should I be easy to work with?” I’ll get to the point, De Niro is known for several takes until he attains what he calls perfection. Rodriguez, also known for wrapping a major film before yesterday approaches, had Don Johnson’s character tell De Niro’s character, ‘There’s no second takes… so get your lines right.’ which felt that the line had Rodriguez’s fist wrapped all over it, a proclivity of Rodriguez’s work in this film.

As mentioned above, Rodriguez is best known for his one-man film crew, which also juxtaposes with his one-man war against the United States. Notice that the McLaughlin character is a senator for Texas, and has the loosely attributes of George W. Bush. If Rodriguez plays his cards right, I can foresee ‘She Rodriguez’ (Rodriguez’s version of Guevara) with her foot resting atop on the chest of a black president, in the next two films. But the irony is that Rodriguez, himself is not even ‘The Mexican’, instead, he was born in Texas. So something must have happened, something bad enough for Rodriguez to declare war in his fantasy world, his own movies. Having written what I think of Rodriguez’s impressive power, which is all in my underprivileged judgement, which means I could be wrong, or even better, right. Rodriguez is a filmmaker I admire, having read his ‘Rebel Without a Crew’ and I admire his guerrilla way of making films sparked by creativity on the cheap. I also thank Rodriguez’s book because it also enabled me to read Stu Maschwitz’s book too. (Writer’s note, Stu, you rock!)

Photo: Rodriguez’s vision by 2016?

So Rodriguez, if you’re reading this, you have a firm grip on Hollywood and the United States and I urge you to tread carefully along the right path to do what has to be done. So, with parting words, I write, hasta el próximo capítulo de la película. P.S. How about myself as an intern in your next feature?

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Trejo, in fact isn’t a Mexican, he’s also an American too, which pretty much sums up my article about Rodriguez’s power.

P.S. The answer to my question in my second paragraph. Every cop in Robocop movies waits for backup – Robocop to arrive. Suckers!

An awesome quote from the famed South Korean director of Oldboy, Chan-wook Park talking about his dreams before he goes to sleep.

“Numerous times I lie in bed at night and imagine the cruellest torture. I imagine the most miserable ruining of that person’s life. After that, I can fall asleep with a smile on my face. As long as it stays in the realm of imagination, the crueller the better - that’s healthy. I’d like to recommend it to you all as well. I hope my films can help in any small way to help your imagination become at least a little bit crueller.”

Beautiful, eh?

For only £2.97, you can hire this house-boat for a week.

totalfilm:

The Story Behind The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars nearly killed George Lucas.

The director’s ambitious space saga, which nobody understood nor cared about (not even its cast) looked set to be a disaster of intergalactic proportions. During production in 1976, the special effects department was struggling with its groundbreaking technologies, while unbearable heat in Tunisia had tempers rising…

An awesome article about Machete and Rodriguez, written by none other than me! It’s all my humble opinion, but what are the chances that I could be right! :)

A must read for all WWE fanatics! I’m proud to be an iMark.

mrbrianduffy:

AS Chris Jericho wrote in his first autobiography, A Lion’s Tale: Around the World in Spandex, that being a professional wrestling fan in this era is a whole different animal to one in the 80’s. How true is that. Thanks to the Internet, and of course, social networking, fans (or dare…

HEY!!! The sequel’s been made already with a different cast by me!! Honest!!

totalfilm:

Cameron Crowe dismisses Say Anything sequel

Cameron Crowe must wish he’d never opened his mouth. Having made a brief comment earlier this year saying that 1988’s Say Anything was the only one of his films he’d consider making a sequel to, Crowe was bemused to see the news that Say Anything 2 was definitely on the way spreading left right and centre.

Now, in an interview with IFC, Crowe has finally put those rumours to bed with the revelation that talk of a sequel is simply wishful thinking on the part of the fans…

The hot water at home isn’t working!! ARRRGH, WHAT TO DO?!?